WHAT COLOURS SHOULD YOU USE IN A CHILD’S ROOM

Research shows that colours have a significant influence in your life. Know your colours, because the colour of your child's room, have the potential to influence the child.  .

When a child is a toddler, the favourite colour is inevitably, the colour red. ‘I want a red ball, red shoes, red car’ etc. And then comes the awareness of other colours from primary to secondary and then to a mix and match and sometimes conjuring up their own colours. Colours are something that we take for granted in the environment but if used well can help you get the best out of our moods.

Colours have an impact on our moods and emotions; this is a known fact of colour therapy. Children bring colour to our life, so let’s add more colour to their life.

Did you know that colours impact your health? Well here are a few interesting facts about colour

v  Red is a warming and stimulating colour and excessive amounts can lead to anger, irritability or hyperactivity, naturally because it is a stimulating colour. Too much of it avoidable in a bedroom

v  Orange is an anti depressant colour, which means it can make you joyous; no wonder some communities tie colourful orange flowers on their doors!  Maybe a little in the room

v  Yellow is calming, promotes well being and happiness and in children it is associated as a happy colour- happy sun, happy sunflowers….. yes definitely will help

v  Green is again calming and relaxing and imparts a feeling of energy. Try walking on green grass or going to a green garden, you automatically feel calm, relaxed and rejuvenated. Hmmm this too is good for the room

v  Blue is a soothing colour and induces calm and restful sleep without nightmares! Lots of it in the room.

v  And brain research says that colours that enhance brain function are- yellow, beige and off white for optimal learning and red, orange and yellow spark energy and creativity. Maybe in the child’s study corner.

(I think the above answers your next question about decor of a child’s room and behaviour)

Spatial arrangements-

The room should be demarcated into three zones, the sleep zone, the study zone and the play zone. The sleep zone can have more softer colours and focus is on sleeping so the lighting etc should match. The study zone should have additional lights that can be switched on and the study table should have utility and health based furniture, the height of the table, the chair all need to be designed as per the age of the child. The play zone should be a small area maybe for books, or general toys that child can sit and play. This helps the child in understanding that bed is not for playing or studying and also helps cultivate healthy habits. A bed is uncluttered and means better hygiene for sleep.

PEER PRESSURE- RELEASING THE PRESSURE THROUGH CHANGE IN PARENTING TECHNIQUES

When flying between the Earth and the Moon, the Apollo spacecraft was off course more than 90 percent of the time. On their lunar voyages the crew would constantly bring the craft back to its intended trajectory. They were not on a perfect path but a critical path. Because they knew their intended target they could correct their spacecraft whenever it wandered off- Anon

Teenagers are on a voyage to adulthood, they will veer off course like the Apollo but we need to know that as long as they come back to the intended trajectory which in their case is a healthy, happy life, we can be there to correct their spacecraft as and when required. No teenager will be perfect what is critical is that they are given a perfect chance.

Most parents are afraid that as their kids approach teenage, they will become stubborn, fall prey to wrong company, start bad habits and be difficult to communicate with. Well, teenagers will do this if they do not have the right support from parents, so instead of worrying parents should prepare for the teenage years, much in advance. And as the teenage years approach they should adopt a method called, ‘teen mentoring’.

According to Sigmund Freud adolescence is marked with ‘egos’ that leads to some level of superiority complex and inferiority complex as well. Author of the book, Stress In Young People, Sarah McNamara says, “Because adolescents have greater levels of logical and critical thinking and problem solving they are involved in establishing social identity. It is not only a time of opportunity but also of vulnerability to risk behaviours which can have lifelong consequences, especially for health.”

So the trick is to start preparing for the adolescent period early on, as those who have a healthy relationship with parents and teachers are able to stay away from harm whereas others succumb to it and engage in behaviours that jeopardise their healthy development.

So how can teenagers stay away from peer pressure? First comes an understanding that peer pressure is just another form of bullying in which the bully is your friend! Teach your kids to take hold of their life and where it is headed; teach them that no one should be ruling it but you. And for kids to take hold of their life, parents need to trust them with the independence of decision making and choices. If you are going to make all the decisions about your child, then your child will not be able to function without you and so when faced bullies your child will succumb. So stop being a ‘bully parent’.

Secondly, parents to teach kids that whenever they are in doubt about a decision - don’t do, teach them to seek advice from a parent. And for kids to be able to come to you for advice, you need to develop an open relationship that is non-judgemental, non threatening and accepting.

Thirdly, adolescents must get ‘social competence training’; teach them how to deal with stress management, self-esteem, problem-solving, substances and health; assertiveness and social networks. From your parenting tool kit, remove the word ‘no’ and replace it with, ‘let’s talk about this’, remove the words, ‘you are lazy, I don’t want to hear any excuses’ and replace with,’ so let’s find a way that you can do both’. Remember criticism hardens children and conflict resolution helps them nurture.

Fourthly start having ‘conversations’ with your child to understand how your child will react or think in difficult situations. Play a game of ‘Scruples’ to understand your child’s thinking and reasoning ability under emotional situations.

People who lack in self esteem are more liable to fall prey to peer pressure.   Find out if your child is always thinking negative or positive? Then instil confidence in your child, ‘I can! I will! I am sure! And it’s my life I will make it good’, are all statements that will help. Remove self doubt and replace with self will.

The next dilemma that most teenagers face when it comes to peer pressure is how to say no to friends! In such a case you need to cultivate assertiveness. Assertiveness is really about being fair- to yourself and all others.  Assertiveness means realizing that your feelings are neither more nor less important than those or other people, but rather they are equally important. Assertiveness helps you to talk about yourself without self-consciousness, to accept compliments, to disagree politely, to say no and to be relaxed around other people even when you differ or disagree with what they believe. And this is so important when dealing with peer pressure,

What adults can do is, accept that the child is now an adult and talk to him and relate to him accordingly. Instead of always shouting or lecturing him try ‘teen whispering’, which means having a quiet, discussion in which both the parent and the teen puts forward their point of view and way ahead.

When faced with peer pressure teens can use the fingers-thumb test to decide whether to succumb to the pressure or not. This test uses each digit of your hand and helps you self question and decide, so teach your kids to use this when they face peer pressure.

• Pointer finger- we always use this to point at others, so ask yourself if I fall prey to peer pressure will I be headed in the right direction or will I always have fingers pointing at me and labelling me for my incorrect decision.
• Tall man- I want to stand tall and be the best in my life, so then what my peers are telling me to do, will it make me best in my eyes or only in theirs?
• Ring man- stands for love and family, so before taking the decision under peer pressure, ask yourself what would my family want me to do?
• Little finger- have I thought about the minute repercussions to my health and reputation if I fall prey to this peer pressure?
• Thumb- a thumbs up says that you took a decision after weighing all the pros and cons and after considering the advice of all important people- peers, stress busters (family, teacher, friend) and yourself.

Parents need to understand that their parenting style needs to change with each stage of development of their child. You cannot treat an eight year old like a 3 year old of treat an eighteen year old like an eight year old. So here Rudolf Steiner the German educationist has good advice for parents-

INFANCY	CHILDHOOD	ADOLESCENSE
They learn by IMITATION	They learn with AUTHORITY	They learn with INDEPENDENCE
They need LIBERTY	They need EQUALITY	They need friends and FRATERNITY
They need a SPIRITUAL approach	They need ‘LEGAL’ rules and consistent consequences	They understand ECONOMIC and so need pocket money etc.

'NOT CHILD'S PLAY', read this 'eye-opener' article written by Asha Mahadevan - Mid-Day and Swati Popat Vat's views on Juvenile Delinquents.

When You Thought I Wasn't Looking or I Didn't Understand

There is no such thing as ‘discipline’; it is behavior management or modification.

There is no such thing as ‘discipline’; it is behavior management or modification. Because discipline is fixed, like in the army, but behavior can vary and with it varies the methods of handling deviant behavior. The problem is that as adults we follow a strict policy with kids that says,’ Do as we say, not as we do’, and we forget that kids learn by imitation! So you can see mothers and teachers shouting at their kids and asking them to ‘be quiet’!

Yet another myth- Patience. You can’t have patience with kids, should not have, as there is no such thing as patience. Patience implies that you are ‘bearing with’ someone, instead of basing your discipline on patience base it on understanding. Because in patience you will control the child instead of guiding the child. So stop telling yourself, I need to be patient with my child, instead say have I understood what the child is actually trying to tell me with the behavior? Usually kids have lots to tell you, but do not have the supportive language development and so their boredom, frustration, anger comes out in behavioral problems. Show them a socially accepted avenue to show their anger and frustration, don’t stop them from experiencing these emotions, use sentences like,’ I know you are angry because I did not give you the toy, but instead of beating me, you can beat the pillow’.

Don’t react to kids misbehavior with your own, oh yes it happens. Let me tell you about this mother and child I watched at the check in  terminal of an airport (the best place that I watch kids interact with their parents!) a mother sitting in front of me had her 3 year old son sitting facing her on her lap. Both of them were engrossed in a beautiful interaction and bonding by singing nursery rhymes that the child must have learnt in his playschool. The mother’s mobile phone rang and mid sentence she picked up her cell and started talking to the other person. I could see the child’s face was disappointed, but the child waited patiently for a full minute( long time in a toddler’s world!) then started nudging the mother, ‘mummy’, ‘mummy’, mummy’ he went on quietly and patiently. No response from mummy, she was happily ignoring the child and chatting on the phone. Exasperated and irritated the child caught hold of the mothers chin and said, ‘mummy chalo na’, mummy just shook her head and carried on, to which; to my utter amazement the child slapped the mother! In reaction to which, to my utter horror, the mother slapped the child and the child starting bawling. Mother embarrassed, switched off the phone, and started cajoling the child, ‘I am so sorry beta’ etc etc out of guilt and embarrassment. The child refused to stop crying only increased the octaves of screaming! She bought a chocolate for the child and pacified the child.

So what went wrong in this beautiful interaction that was on between mother and child? How did a lovely singing bond end in this ‘free for all’?

Simple, the mother did not show respect for the child, when the mobile phone rang she should have either completed the song that they were singing and then picked up the phone or should have excused herself and told the child, I will take this call and then we will continue. And she should have known to recognize the signs of ‘final frustration’ that kids exhibit, which is ‘holding your chin and making you look at them’, when kids do this, they are serious, serious about throwing a full blown tantrum! Final mistake she made she answered a slap with a slap, isn’t that ‘do as we say and not as we do’? if we are telling kids that they must not hit when they are angry, then how can we hit when we are angry? And then buying a chocolate to pacify the child? Materialistic parenting, a no-no for healthy development of kids.

So respect children and watch for the impeding signs of tantrums and misbehavior. Catch them being good instead of punish them when bad.

Children in the first 6 years lack impulse control, which is why without thinking the little boy slapped his mother. Impulse control comes with the development of the pre frontal cortex, so the more the prefrontal cortex develops, the better will be the logic, reasoning, attention, focus in children. Play games to develop impulse control, simple games like ‘Simon says’, ‘red light, green light’, all develop impulse control. For example in ‘Simon says’, the child has to concentrate and wait for the word ‘Simon’ to do the action, so he controls his impulse to do the action, until he hears the word.

Punishment is a strict no-no. that is a traditional method, we need guidance, show the child where he went wrong and what he should have done instead- The difference between the two approaches is that traditional discipline criticizes children- often publicly- for unacceptable behaviors whereas guidance teaches children positive alternatives, what they can do instead.  

In today’s world teachers and mothers need to be leaders and not bosses. In Piaget’s words they must work for the goal of ‘autonomy’ (intelligent and ethical decision making) rather than obedience

According to behavioural expert and author ANNE COPLEY there are four zones that you should look out for in kid’s behaviour-

1.    Safe zone- when children feel wanted, secure, loved, their needs are met, they function in a safe zone and such children are happy, well adjusted and well behaved.

2.    Learning zone- when children experience safe zone, they are able to learn, explore, be creative, make decisions, choose, focus and this is the learning zone, they will be smarter and learn more.

3.    Anxiety zone- children who do not feel safe, secure, wanted and reassured are in the anxiety zone. Anxiety leads to irritation, frustration and anger. It is in this zone that they will start sending out signs and signals that tell you they are about to ‘let all hell loose’!

4.    Stress zone – when you are unable to read those signs and give them the required reassurance, help, guidance, they move into the stress zone, where all hell breaks loose.

It takes a lot of effort, learning, unlearning, guidance, love, time to bring a child from the stress zone to the safe zone. So ideally keep them in the safe and learning zone and never reach the anxiety zone.

Adults should remember that children do not misbehave we misinterpret their behaviour.

DOES REGULAR INCLUSION BENEFIT ALL AUTISTIC KIDS?

I have done a general study of the autistic spectrum both during my B.Ed and when we tried to set up an early intervention kindergarten centre for autistic children. Autism is a spectrum disorder and so generalizations about inclusion, therapy etc will not be valid throughout the wide spectrum, which has been my understanding. I have some wonderful books on autism written by experts and parents who have struggled and won with the education of their autistic children.

Reading about the child in Jamnabai and siding with the parents is all good but we need to focus on the main issue, does this kind of inclusion in a crowded classroom with no adaptations for autism help this autistic child? Here we are not to be worried about the ‘disturbance’ to the other 44 children but the ‘disturbance’ to the already frail mind state or emotional state of the autistic child.

In some kinds of autism the children are very very sensitive to crowds, loud sounds, and constant chatter and hate the constant change in adults. Such children would not thrive in an inclusive environment as all this would be constantly grating on their nerves.

This child has been in this environment since 2007, what is the opinion of the therapists, is this kind of an environment really helping this child?

Yes, autism, deaf and mute and dyslexia are in the news these days, thanks to the movies and yes schools in the past have been insensitive to such kids  but inclusion is a decision that needs to be taken not by the school or government or any such body, such decisions should be left to the experts, the medical and therapy experts who take care of such children, they are the best judge of whether inclusion in a regular classroom will really help the condition of the autistic child or only the social morale of the child and the family.

I think a discussion needs to be initiated on this at the earliest and instead of forcing inclusion on children who would actually not benefit from it, it would be better to think of options that would aid the growth of such children. Let’s move away from the two extreme ends of inclusion and exclusion and think of a more moderate and sensitive way in which to help these kids adjust, grow and thrive.

I WISH ALL THE MEMBERS OF TEAM ‘KIDUCATION’ A VERY HAPPY TEACHERS DAY.

This wish goes out to all our Head Mistresses, Franchises, Master Franchise, Teachers and all related staff that help nurture kids with their work and commitment.

On this special day I would like to share with you an extract from Nancy Rosenow’s newest book, Heart-Centered Teaching Inspired by Nature. She writes……..

"Over the years I've come to believe that those of us who work with or for children have a responsibility to nurture themselves as tenderly as we nurture the children in our care.  Children deserve to be taught by people who delight in the wonders of the world and are eager to share them.  Children deserve to be taught by people who teach through positive example.  

"Consider: 

·        How can we help children see the world is a place of goodness and unlimited possibilities if we experience it as dreary and stifling? 

·        How can children trust us about the benefits of healthy eating and exercise if they don't choose to practice what we preach? 

·        How will we help children learn the difficult art of conflict resolution if bitter conflicts in our own relationships remain unresolved? 

·        How can we help children discover nature's gifts of joy and wonder if we rarely delight in those gifts ourselves? 

·        And perhaps the hardest question of all:  How will we help children experience themselves as unconditionally loved and loving beings if we don't feel unconditionally loving toward ourselves?"

I think the above extract will help us all have a great day. So nurture yourself kindly and happily today so that for the rest of the year you will be able to happily nurture kids and Kiducation. All the best and do share a copy of this with your teams.

Warm regards,

Swati Popat Vats

Director – Podar Preschools, Podar Institute of Education