10 ways to develop your kids emotional intelligence

“When children watch too much violence, they lose out on learning empathy.”

Here are 10 lesser known facts about Emotional Development -

1) Today Emotional Quotient (EQ) is as important as Intelligence Quotient (IQ).

2) The extensive ‘fun violence’ shown in cartoons and children’s programs hampers their emotional growth as it teaches them that both, heroes and villains can use violence to achieve success.

3) While watching news that’s showing gory facts, children fear it will happen to them too. It is important that adults help the child understand or allow the child to question their fears which need to be handled sensitively.

4) Age 0-1 years is the foundation of all emotional development. They learn to trust (or mistrust). When the baby’s needs are taken care of, the baby develops trust in the outside world. Responding to the baby’s communication (e.g. crying) is critical.

5) Age 2-3 years is when the child wants to do things on their own. Blaming them for ‘being late, or taking too much time’ or ‘not doing the task well’, cultivates feelings of shame in the child.

6) Age 4-5 years is when he is keen to take on responsibilities like keeping his bag himself. If the child is discouraged, he develops a sense of guilt and insecurity, making him unsure of himself.

7) Parents and teachers need to help children be aware of different emotional states, both, in themselves and in people around them.

8) They should help children identify and label their feelings so that they can deal with them appropriately.

9) Stories and characters can be used as an important tool to help kids understand and cope with emotions.

10) Elders have to learn to accept children’s emotional responses. For e.g. If the child is angry about something, learn to teach them how to reject the emotional behavior.

Need for Sex Education Survey- by Podar Institute

HOW DO YOUNG GIRLS LEARN ABOUT SEX EDUCATION- INTERVIEW SURVEY CONDUCTED BY PODAR INSTITUTE OF EDUCATION- COPYRIGHT @ SWATIPOPATVATS

THIS REPORT IS COPYRIGHT AND REGISTERED PROPERTY OF PODAR INSTITUTE OF EDUCATION ANYONE WISHING TO QUOTE, USE, OR REFER TO IT SHOULD DO SO ONLY AFTER SEEKING PERMISSION IN WRITING FROM MS SWATI POPAT VATS (DIRECTOR) ON swatipopat@podar.net

Podar Institute of Education runs a one year diploma course in Early Childhood Education, Care and Administration. As part of the course the students have to learn about conception, birth and breast feeding. Over the years we have found that young female students are more uncomfortable about talking about these things in a scientific manner. So recently we had a survey with them about how comfortable they are about talking about sex, pregnancy, condoms, sanitary napkins, child birth etc. this survey report is a result of the same.  We interviewed 8000 women in the age group of 18 years to 43 years over a period of 6 months. The survey was conducted in Pune, Nashik, Bangalore, Mumbai, Navi Mumbai, and Ahemdabad. I was interested in doing this survey because I am a sociologist (M.A Sociology) and am concerned about the cultural disconnect between our present modernization and education.

·         18 years to 25 years- 56%

·         Graduates- 52% undergraduates- 44% 12^th pass- 4%

·         26 to 35 years – 25%

·         Graduates- 67% undergraduates- 20% 12^th pass- 13%

·         36 to 43years- 19%

·         Graduates- 23% undergraduates- 20% 12^th pass- 57%

Q .1. Do you think sex education should be part of our education system?

Sr. No.	Yes	No	No Response	Total
				8000
%	66%	20%	14 %

Q. At what age should sex education be introduced?

Sr. No.	12 years to 16 years	18 years to 25 years	After marriage	Total
				8000
%	23 %	39 %	38%

Q. What do you feel when you watch condom or sanitary napkin ads on television?

Sr. No.	Embarrassed	Ashamed	Comfortable	Total
				8000
%	64%	21%	15 %

Q. Are you comfortable watching kissing or sex scenes on TV or movies?

Sr. No.	Yes	No	No Response	Total
				8000
%	23 %	58 %	19 %

Q. How did you learn about sex?

Sr. No.	My mother spoke to me	Mills and boon and other books	Watched porn videos with friends	Total
				8000
%	7%	44%	49 %

Q .Did your parents talk you about the ‘first night’?

Sr. No.	Yes	No	No Response	Total
				8000
%	7 %	76%	17 %

Q .Why do you think women are getting raped in this country?

Sr. No.	They are weaker	Men are pervert	No strong laws	Total
				8000
%	2%	40%	58 %

Q. When you were pregnant did you know all the facts about how a child is born?

Sr. No.	Yes	No	No Response	Total
				8000
%	52 %	43 %	5%

Q .Do you feel embarrassed when someone breastfeeds their child in front of you?

Sr. No.	Yes	No	No Response	Total
				8000
%	41 %	40%	19%

Q. At what age did you know about sex and how babies are made?

Sr. No.	12 years to 16 years	18 years to 25 years	After marriage	Total
				8000
%	19%	49%	32 %

Q .Who talked to you and guided you about menstruation?

Sr. No.	School- sanitary products company	Mother	Friends/ads	Total
				8000
%	62%	23 %	15%

The startling facts that have come out in this survey is that most girls are still learning about sex and child birth from avenues other than a trusted adult (parent, sibling). This is worrying because sexual education should come from known person and should be related to ease, comfort and a healthy attitude about sex. Instead they are learning about it from porn movies or soft porn novels which gives a very beautiful aspect of their physical development and bodily needs a very crass and crude impact. Boys too are learning about sex from porn videos which in turn makes them relate to it as lust and a crude act. This is even more disappointing that as a culture we are uncomfortable about sex, so much so that we are ok that our youth are learning about it from unhealthy quarters. This is a dangerous ‘ostrich attitude’. India teaches the world about ‘kamasutra’, the khajurao caves are a living example of how comfortable we Indians were with our sexuality and thus there was no perversion. Even the sun temple of konark (Bhubaneswar) is a good example of how sex education was imparted casually through stone carvings on the temple. Another great example of sensitivity to age appropriateness is also present at the konark sun temple. The carvings from the ground up to 4 feet are about animals etc so that small children will enjoy watching them, then those in the middle above 4 feet are about life, marriage, child birth so that the youth learn from them and those above them are about gods etc for the elderly. What a sensitive approach to life, what has happened to us as a civilization?

It was shocking that most of the girls were planning for their wedding and were given absolutely no training, support, education about their marriage. So they were aware about hair experts, mendhi experts, jewellery experts, wedding dress, gown, sarree experts but were not giving importance to sexual education by consulting an expert or a parent. They were clueless about any kind of education about life after marriage. If sex education is gained by watching porn then naturally the relationship between man and wife is more animal and unnatural.

Most of them were not even prepared or spoken to about menstruation by their mothers, they were educated by strangers and many admitted to having emotional trauma related to their first menses and their first night after marriage because of their unpreparedness.

It was further shocking to note that many of the women did not know the full extent of child birth and were thoroughly shocked and emotionally traumatized with the actual experience. Many battled with post maternity depression and stress and it went undetected which lead to later depression and anxiety disorders.

We need to ensure that we include education about sex, marriage, child birth as part of the education process. Maybe if we call it with a different name like body and relationship education, it will be more acceptable to different cultures. This report also identified the need to educate parents about how to handle such topics with their growing kids so that their kids don’t learn about it from incorrect sources. The New Zealand and Belgium government have a good youth education program, maybe it’s time we formulated one too. Till then teacher training colleges, women’s institutions must educate their students informally so that our young girls grow up healthy, happy and respected and confident about making the right choices and decisions about their bodies.

For more details feel free to call me on 09819121384.