Monday, 27 June 2016

Brexit and parenting!

My good friend and parenting expert from UK, Sue Atkins rightly compared the Brexit experience to that of divorce, the trauma will be similar for the young. This prompted me to write this blog as impact of divorce is quite traumatic on the entire family. And so just like Brexit the elders need to think before making any exit decision.

If you Google search, ‘impact of divorce on children’ you will come across an interesting report- The long-term impact of divorce on children, a 25 year study by Judith and Julia. And there is also an insightful article by Lauren Hansen, ‘9 negative effects divorce reportedly has on children’. One of the shocking negative effects mentioned in this article is ‘an early death’, this is proved in an eight-decade study and book called  the Longevity Project by Howard Friedman and Leslie Martin and it states, ‘that children of divorced families died on an average almost five years earlier than children whose parents did not divorce.’

Divorce is for many couples inevitable, for some unavoidable and for many the only option available. It is not important why the divorce happens but it is definitely important to understand how the divorce is handled and after the divorce how the couple looks after the well being of their children at any cost.

In Brexit it is believed that the elderly took this mammoth decision that the young will have to bear the consequences of. Well, it is similar in a divorce too, the young children are never part of the decision, and they just bear the brunt of it. Loss, change, and conflict are the worse traumatic experiences for children and adolescents, and divorce has all three. Moving to a different house, a different school, and a new name, not being able to see both parents together. And for some children, they end up blaming themselves for the divorce. Boys become more aggressive and tend to rebel and girls withdraw and show signs of anxiety. Research also shows that girls tend to become sexually active at a younger age.

Well, for couples that are going through a bitter divorce here are five things to keep in mind-
1.    Why should divorce be bitter? You are parting ways, do it peacefully. Bitter was your experience of staying together, right? Now part ways amicably.
2.    ‘Children first’ should be the motto of every divorce. No dirty fights or arguments in front of the children. And if children are at an age that they can understand then it is important that things are discussed with them and they should be made to feel secure. Remember, parting of any kind is traumatic for children and this is a difficult parting where a child is witnessing the parting of the two most important people in his/her life.
3.    Don’t use the children as a pawn to get back at each other. It hurts! And the pain, bitterness, and trauma is not something children get over easily.
4.    Important to also remember that you are divorcing your partner, divorce happens between husband and wife and not between parents and children. Be understanding in deciding visitation rights. Be fair to your children.
5.    Insecurity leads to loss of self-esteem and that leads to depression, so ensure that your child does not feel insecure about the future.

If you have not yet decided about divorce and you are thinking of ending your relationship then first think of these 3 points-
1.    Is divorce really the solution? Or will you then regret it? Think of the long-term consequences before you take the step.
2.    Have you tried couples counseling? It helps.
3.    If you don’t have kids and are in a rocky marriage then refrain from having them just yet. Many people think that having kids will save the marriage, it only complicates things for the child.


Brexit will take a lot of time and effort for everyone concerned to come to grips with the reality that things have changed and drastically. Identity has changed, laws will change and if not careful then people will change, their attitudes will change and their tolerance will change to. Keep this in mind for divorce too, handle it  carefully. 

90 comments:

Sarina Oberoi said...

An important article in the time of today where the divorce and separations are at a rise.
The guidelines are very important and if adhered to will reduce the damage on the children who are part of a situation like this. Emotionally the children are affected when the parents fight argue and are not compatible.
Hence it is important to think twice and react in situations keeping in mind the child.
Thank you for sharing

Mentor Bharti said...

Ma'am your blogs have always guided us on various aspects of life. Couples really forget their children when going through this phase of life. Two things best learnt from this blog to keep in mind, "Children first should be the motto" when going through this difficult phase of life and "Handle with care" if you have taken a decision as its always children who loose in the fight between the parents.

Senior Mentor said...

Wonderful article in the today's context and changing world and more complexed relationships.

As adults we do have personal agenda and emotions but sensitivity towards well being of ones own child has to be put in the forefront.

Patience and trust is moving out of relationships and definetly children should not face its adverse consequences or this would have a ripple effect in terms of future generations too.

Jumbo Kids, Chakan said...

For children divorce can be stressful, sad and confusing. At any age, kids may feel uncertain or angry at the prospect of mom and dad splitting up.As a parent you can make the process and its effects less painful for children. Help your children by attending your children's needs and reassuring positive attitude.

Suniti Iyer said...

In today's time where divorce is no longer a taboo but more of a choice.A much needed article in today's context. The more quickky the adults take responsibility for being parents instead of spouses, the better chances of children adjusting to the new reality.

Suniti Iyer said...

In today's time where divorce is no longer a taboo but more of a choice.A much needed article in today's context. The more quickky the adults take responsibility for being parents instead of spouses, the better chances of children adjusting to the new reality.

jayshree shah said...

A very informative article about impact of divorce on kids and was shocked to read that an early death of children of divorced families died on an average almost five years earlier than children whose parents did not divorce.’ Five things to keep in mind is very well explained. Parents should think twice before taking any kind of nasty decision for divorce.
A very sensitive article to read.
Child should be priority for any parent before divorce.
Thanks for sharing with us.



shilpa said...

A truth which is to be thought positively points explained in detail are informative and understanding regarding 1st preference to the child as the responsibility belongs to the parents. In understanding with we can help child to have his /her good life.

Best article thank you sure will share .

Supervisor Urvi said...

A very informative article explaining in detail about the impact of divorce on children. Five things to keep in mind when going through a bitter divorce is very well explained as the sensitivity towards the child is taken care of. Child should be a priority for both the parents and also the parents should take responsibilities of the child even when they are thinking of being apart from each other.

Thank you ma'am for sharing with us.

Pjk Indore said...

The article is an eye opener for all.In today's circumstances when relationships are breaking easily, it is important for the parents seeking Divorce to understand that it's children that are being affected the most. And one should think twice before taking such steps.As Ma'am you have correctly said "Children Should be the first Motto". And as adults it is our responsibility to emotionally help the children.

Thank you Ma'am for sharing this article.

Sarita Khurana said...

Very informative article. In this competitive world people are losing their pattience very fast & not able to decide what is more important in life people or things . children should be given upmost priority .
Thanks for sharing this article.

Pjk Ujjain said...

Very true Mam divorces spoil the life of children in many ways,it makes them isolated from society,it makes them ruthless and sometimes frustrated.Parents should actually think why to get divorce.They should live simply with less conversations if they have any issue but at least they should live together for the sake of their child.

Jumbo Kids Nashik said...

Very informative article, which gives an insight of the consequences which are never considered as important aspect. thank you for sharing this article.

Unknown said...

Very true mam.This article will indeed make parents understand how there decision and attitude affect their child.Due to nuclear family parents have forgot to think about kids this will be eyeopener for parents.

Mentor Frieda said...

Exiting from our responsibilities seems to be the 'in thing' these days as it is now prevalent not only in the social but even the political scenario as well! Adults should consider the repercussions of their actions on others specially their children and stop thinking of their own selfish desires and taking the easy way out.
Thank you Ma'am for yet another thought provoking blog!

Pjk Gwalior said...

Every child right and every child must say -"FAMILY-Father and Mother I Love You."

Very true Ma'am and thank you for sharing an informative article for the parents to take a decision by keeping in mind the drawbacks for their child/children, whom they(parent) had brought(child) in this World by their wish.

Farida Sayyad Sangli said...

Respected Madam,

Wonderful article, really Ma'am it is very easy to take divorce, but our children has to face various problems in future.
Ma'am I can understand this better, because the same situation has come in my life, I had to take decision of getting separated from my husband, but Ma'am instead of fighting in front of kids, I felt we need to sit together and find out solutions for our problems, but when we ended up with no solutions for our problems, I took decision of getting separated without divorce, I never stopped my daughters meeting their father or talking to him, because of which my daughters get love and attention from both mother and father, and they are happy.
Ma'am If you had posted this article 5 years before, I think I would have taken right decision, because after reading this article I feel, I have gone wrong somewhere in decision making, Ma'am, your articles always guide us to take right and valid decisions.

Sonali Karmakar said...

Thank you Ma'am for such an informative blog. Since I have gone through the same I can relate myself directly. I totally agree to each and every point mentioned in the blog.

Namita Thadani said...

Awesome article! Thank you so much, your articles always help me tune up my perspective. It is important that divorced parents maintain focus on their children's mental health during and after the divorce.

Gitanjali Gaikwad said...

For children divorce is no small word.It is a great loss that is in their lives forever .For parents ,it may seems like a solution but its not an easy out for them and their children.This article will help the parent to understand and take the correct decision.
thanks ma'am for such wonderful article.

Nayna Trivedi said...

A very important message for all the parents. It has become a necessity to educate people about the consequences it will have on others before
taking any drastic steps in life.

JumboKids Ujjain2 said...

Divorce between the parents creates into security among children even they loose trust in marriages,they start believing that the feeling called love do not exist in this world. The way to save child from the repercussions of divorce is to maintain being parent no matter if you have separated as husband and wife.

Podar Jumbo Kids Indore 2 said...

It is the duty of the adult to think before deciding to get separated about their children that what will be the impact of their Divorce on the children . This disturbance in their life at a certain age will create an impact on their life for long .

Ashiwini Mungi said...

Its really very true maam.Actually its not that easy to handle a child by a single parent .Divorce is a very common decision taken nowadays which creats more problems in parent as well as in children. This blog will surely help to take right decision.
Thankyou maam for sharing this blog.
PJK Nashik
Ashwini Mungi

Sunita Jadhav said...

Life gets significantly changed not only for the couple's but for the kids also after a divorce, what couples see as an easy exit,leaves profound impact on kids. Parents before choosing divorce ,should take a long pause and reconsider their decision and secure their kids future.
Sunitha Jadhav
Pjk,Nashik

Kalpita Bhirud said...

It is very important for parents to understand the consequences for divorce on their children. It is a very delicate issue which has to be handled carefully. Thank you ma'am for sharing this article.
Ms. Kalpita Bhirud
PJK Plus Vile Parle.

sejal pandya said...

A very important message for parents and truly a very heart touching situation where not only the husband and the wife get separated but also badly impacts the emotional development of the children and ruins their childhood in every way.Parents who think of taking divorce should really be given counselling so that they donot regret their decisions for a lifetime.
Sejal Pandya
PJK,Nashik.

Supriya Labhade said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
shruti ramani said...

Shruti remain , from pjk vile parle. Thank you ma'am for the inforpermanent article. In this today's generation where all are well educated , and also understand the consequences of divorce, at times parents should forget their ego
nd think about their children , as it creates a emotional and a permanent effect on the minds of the children.

Tanvi Mody said...

I Miss Tanvi Mody teacher of Podar Jumbo Kids Plus Vile Parle would like to thank you for sharing such a wonderful blog with us. Its important that parents should think before taking divorce and should take care that it should not affect their kids.

pjkparbhani said...

Impact of divorce on children remains till last and affects on their growth , we can find a child of single parent either matured before age or very introvert in behaviour which is not the real nature of the child but its about the situation which makes so. Divorce can be matter of choice in circumstances but for children there is no choice between parents. This blog is an eye opener and best to remember and ask the questions to oneself before verdict to become a scapegoat called 'DIVORCE'.

Manju Joshi said...

I have been reading lots of articles , part of debates which emphasizes on good and bad results of divorce. But this blog talks to the right thing and correct steps to be followed when this unavoidable thing happens. Brexit is very rightly compared to important parental decision of saperation. A must read parents.

Manju Joshi said...

I have been reading lots of articles , part of debates which emphasizes on good and bad results of divorce. But this blog talks to the right thing and correct steps to be followed when this unavoidable thing happens. Brexit is very rightly compared to important parental decision of saperation. A must read parents.

Rajul Nishar said...

I miss Rajul Nishar a teacher from pjkplus vile parle would like to thank you for sharing this blog. In today's world...parents should be educated for the consequences of divorce..as this directly effects to their children.

Sunita Sharma said...

Divorce may be an easy solution for parents but it leaves a very bad impact on children.It is a very sensitive decision which should be considered only by ensuring for child's security.This article is very important for every parent who really love their young ones.Thank you ma'am for sharing such an important article.
Sunita Sharma
PJK Nashik.

Shahnaaz Shaikh said...

Thank you soo much maam for sharing such articles.Your articles always helps me in my personal and professional life.
Shahnaaz Shaikh
PJK Nashik.

Kamini Dhangar said...

Kamini dhangar said
Thank you maam for sharing important article. in today world all are educated . they no about the divorce they should think about children.
Kamini Dhangar
PJK Nashik.

28 June 2016

Puja Mistry said...

So true ma'am... a very informative blog... A child needs both parents love and they cannot survive without both of them... Parents should be very sensible at whatever actions they do or take.. it may affect the childs entire life and future... thanks alot ma'am for such an article... your articles always helps me in my personal and professional life...
Puja.D.Mistry,
Teacher,
PJK Plus, Vile Parle.

Puja Mistry said...

So true ma'am... a very informative blog... A child needs both parents love and they cannot survive without both of them... Parents should be very sensible at whatever actions they do or take.. it may affect the childs entire life and future... thanks alot ma'am for such an article... your articles always helps me in my personal and professional life...
Puja.D.Mistry,
Teacher,
PJK Plus, Vile Parle.

Neel Majmudar said...

Really...... Very informative blog...... Snehal majmudar..... PJK plus landmark

Neel Majmudar said...

Really...... Very informative blog...... Snehal majmudar..... PJK plus landmark

Veronica Solomon Rane said...

Thank you Maam for sharing this very sensitive issue which effects only the child mentally n emotionally for life. In some cases children are very small and cannot relate to what's happening, indeed it's very sad n heartening. As Parents we should and must understand and do best in the interest of the child.
Veronica Solomon Rane
PJK,Landmark,
Khar West

Veronica Solomon Rane said...

Thank you Maam for sharing this very sensitive issue which effects only the child mentally n emotionally for life. In some cases children are very small and cannot relate to what's happening, indeed it's very sad n heartening. As Parents we should and must understand and do best in the interest of the child.
Veronica Solomon Rane
PJK,Landmark,
Khar West

Parita Parekh said...

Be it a county (Brexit) or a child (divorce), separation sure does have it's fair share of negative impact. It is therefore necessary for the decision makers to deal with separation in a mature way and think beyond themselves while doing so. Thank you Swati ma’am for touching upon this delicate issue
Parita Parekh
PJK Landmark,
Khar West.

Shaheen Shaikh said...

A very important article for all parents, this will guide them to think twice before getting divorce.
shaheen shaikh,
PJK Nashik

sachin kulkarni said...

Thank you ma'am for sharing this type of issue. Parents should think of their child first before taking such decisions. As this may effect childs future.
Mithila Kulkarni
Pjk nasik

sachin kulkarni said...

Thank you ma'am for sharing this type of issue. Parents should think of their child first before taking such decisions. As this may effect childs future.
Mithila Kulkarni
Pjk nasik

Madhavi Balchandani said...

Thank you ma'am for sharing such informative and eye-opener blog ... Madhavi Balchandani. Landmark. Khar

Madhavi Balchandani said...

Thank you ma'am for sharing such informative and eye-opener blog ... Madhavi Balchandani. Landmark. Khar

Supriya Labhade said...

Divorce has severe impact on the emotional growth of kids. Instead of playing the blame game parents should definitely come out with a solution for the betterment of their kids. Supriya Labhade PJK,

urvi khuthia said...

An informative article one cannot miss to read. Thank you so much Ma'am for sharing.
Teacher at PJK plus landmark
Ms. Urvi Shah

urvi khuthia said...

An informative article one cannot miss to read. Thank you so much Ma'am for sharing.
Teacher at PJK plus landmark
Ms. Urvi Shah

urvi khuthia said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jayanthi Subramanian said...

This is a very informative article .All of us come to know certain things about the after effects of separation from different sources but this article forces us to think on many hidden issues which people normally do not pay heed . If we keep these points in mind at least We can be helpful to some one during our lifetime.
Ms. Jayanthi Subramanian
PJK Nashik

Sukh Sablok said...

Very informative article ma'am ..one should think twice before taking such steps as it spoil the life of children in many ways.
Ms.Sukhjit Kaur Sablok
Teacher at PJK Landmark

Hina Shroff said...

Thank-you swatimaam for sharing this eye-opener information it will definitely help parents to think twice before they go for divorce

Hina Shroff said...

Thank-you swatimaam for sharing this eye-opener information it will definitely help parents to think twice before they go for divorce

Tejashree Marathe said...

Thank you so much ma'am to share with us such an informative article. It is true the children are affected when the parents argue and fight with each other .Parents must have think twice to taking any decision of divorce.
Teacher in PJK Nashik
Tejashree Marathe

Anwita Priyadarshini said...

Thank you ma'am for sharing such sensitive issue. It's a very informative article about impact of divorce on kids. Parents should think twice before taking any kind of nasty decision for divorce.
Ms. Anwita
Teacher of PJK Landmark

Rashmi Gawde said...

An excellent and educative article on a very sensitive issue. If divorce is inevitable, it is the responsibility of the parents to handle this issue with care vis a vis their children. Thank you Ma'am for explaining this sensitive issue in an easy-to-understand way.
Warm regards,
Rashmi S. Gawde
Teacher - Podar Jumbo Kids
Nashik.

ruchi chopra said...

A must read article for the parents who are going through a rough patch of marriage. Children first should be the moto of their life so they should think twice before taking such decision.
Ruchi chopra
teacher at pjk pus vile parle.

ruchi chopra said...

A must read article for the parents who are going through a rough patch of marriage. Children first should be the moto of their life so they should think twice before taking such decision.
Ruchi chopra
teacher at pjk pus vile parle.

ruchi chopra said...

A very important article for all the parents who are going through a rough patch of marriage. Children first be the moto of their life so they should think twice before taking such decision s.ruchi chopra
Teacher at pjk plus vile parle

ruchi chopra said...

A very important article for all the parents who are going through a rough patch of marriage. Children first be the moto of their life so they should think twice before taking such decision s.ruchi chopra
Teacher at pjk plus vile parle

Asfia shabbir said...

Impact of divorce on children is indeed very traumatic.Divorce not only affects children but also creates negativity between many relations.Therefore I believe parents who think of divorce should think about their kids first and handle carefully.Thank you maam for sharing such an informative article.
Ms Asfiya
teacher at PJK landmark

Sakina Telwala said...

Thank you Maam for sharing such an informative article.Its really an eye opener for many of the couples who really forget that they are also parents before taking such kind of decisions which effects the childhood and the life of their children.
Ms Sakina
PJK Nashik

Unknown said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
aditya mishra said...

In these situations children loose faith in goodness of good life.For them good life turns into a nightmare and also tend to loose faith in long term relationships. This article has given me good inside on the effects of divorce and fights on the children. Thankyou ma'am for this information. Shalini Mishra (teacher pjk,landmark)

shilpa kadakia said...

Thank you Ma'am for sharing such an informative blog . It is a must for all couples to think twice before taking decisions that lead to unhappiness in the child's growth.

Amrita Kaur said...

Thank you ma'am for sharing an important and informative information.It's true that the children are the most affected by the divorce of their parents.Parents at that stage are so involved with their own emotions that children are sometimes neglected and they are the ones who do not know how to deal with the situation.
Ms Arwah Dalal
Headmistress
Khar-Landmark

Arwah Dalal said...

Thank you ma'am for sharing an important and informative information.It's true that the children are the most affected by the divorce of their parents.Parents at that stage are so involved with their own emotions that children are sometimes neglected and they are the ones who do not know how to deal with the situation.
Ms Arwah Dalal
Headmistress
Khar-Landmark

Jumbo Kids Nanded said...

A very important article , where divorce are at hike. Parents should think twice before taking any decision as impact on child future.

Rubina Khan said...

Divorce introduces a massive change into the life of a child, no matter what the age.
Witnessing loss of love between parents, having parents break their marriage commitment, adjusting to going back and forth between two different households, and the daily absence of one parent, all create a challenging new family circumstance in which to live! In the child's life its a watershed event.
Parents should take a pause and think about a child, before taking such kind of decision.
Ms. Rubina Khan
PJK, Nashik

Mentor Zahara said...

Respected Ma'am
This Important article shared by you helps understand the impact on children when divorce or any harsh/big step steps are taking by parents/family. How this affects the children in building their personality, thus it is very important for parents to think about their children before taking a drastic step as divorce is a life changing step for all.

MRUNALINI SHINDE said...

In today's world of hustle and bustle we tend to ignore many aspects of parenting.The trauma that a child's undergoes in a divorced relationship is enormous . As parents its essential to think of the child and his/her future before taking decisions.Nothing is more important than raising a happy child
Mrunalini shinde
Pjk,Nashik

Podar Jumbo Kids, kalyan said...

A very useful article for adults in today's world.

Bhosari Pjk said...

An important article for all of us,we really need to think seriously before going for divorce specially when our kids are involved,the trauma our kids are undergoing and it really effects their life whether they are small or grown up.This article is of great help for all of us.

Shailaja Patil said...

Shailaja pjk
Thankyou so much ma'am for sharing such an imp article. Which will help to the people in the society.this is guideline for the people related to this problem

Indu Chanda said...

Divorce is always a result of an unsuccessful and bitter relationship. Bitterness which leads to negativity not only among the couple which is undergoing divorce or has got it. It has negative effect on the whole family be it the parents or children of the divorced couple. Kids being young and still not understanding this adult thing gets affected the most and the repercussions of the same are mostly traumatic, negative and long termed. Thank you ma'am for sharing this important information and guidance.

Bijal Shah said...

So true Maam, separation always brings anxiety and stress.In divorce without their fault kids suffers the most.This is an eye opener blog. Thank you so much.
Bijal shah
Podar jumbo kids plus
Landmark

Bijal Shah said...

So true Maam, separation always brings anxiety and stress.In divorce without their fault kids suffers the most.This is an eye opener blog. Thank you so much.
Bijal shah
Podar jumbo kids plus
Landmark

shabbi shah said...

Thank you Ma'am for sharing such an informative article with us... all the parents should really think twice before taking any decision for divorce... which actually directly affect their child.
Ms Sabina Shah
Teacher
Podar Jumbo Kids Plus Vile Parle.

Poonam Borade said...

I Ms. Poonam Borade teacher of PJK Plus Vile Parle would like to thank you ma'am for sharing such important and informative blog with us. It's true that child is getting affected because of parents divorce. They should remember that they are mother and father for their child.

Poonam Borade said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Devraj said...

its very true & thanks for sharing

Prutha Doshi said...

Raising children is an enormously important part of life and the core requirement of it is presence of both- mother and father, in his/her life.

This blog would make people think twice before taking such decision..
An eye opener indeed!

Ms. Prutha Doshi
Pjk Rajkot

aarav shrivastava said...

Thank you ma'am for sharing this article to us because when parents take discision for sepration then always children suffer whole life.


Ms. Sonal Shrivastava
Pjk Gwalior

aarav shrivastava said...

Thank you ma'am for sharing this article to us because when parents take discision for sepration then always children suffer whole life.


Ms. Sonal Shrivastava
Pjk Gwalior

Dr Rekha Mehta said...

Exactly I agree divorce is not only the solution of every problem. Firstly try to make things favourable by going for marriage counselling. If still things are not working out then go to mutual consent divorce. If you are having kids keep in mind about their secure future. Instead of becoming single parent prefer co-parenting.

vellore city said...

Thanks for sharing valuable stuff.

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