The A to Z of Parenting in 2015

http://m.idiva.com/opinion-iparenting/the-a-to-z-of-parenting-in-2015/34193

Is it time for Santa Claus to retire?

http://m.idiva.com/opinion-iparenting/is-it-time-for-santa-claus-to-retire/34081

Questions children ask about Terrorism…

Questions children ask about Terrorism…

The Peshawar tragedy will bring with it a lot of fears and anxiety in young children. Some will be able to voice them and some will worry about it unable to ask the questions that are worrying them. It is important that as parents and teachers we support them in this period by ensuring that our own anxiety does not pass on to our children.

If you find a child withdrawn or has suddenly started exhibiting different behaviour, then maybe talking to the child or helping the child draw his/her emotions and thoughts can help.

Children will have a lot of questions and it is important that if children ask questions about the tragedy and its related factors that we reply to these questions with honesty and simplicity. It is better that they voice their questions to a trusted individual like a parent or teacher rather than being ignored.

Our replies will also give them an assurance that the adults are thinking about their safety and they will be able to get back their trust and feel more secure.

5 sensitive questions that children ask about terrorism and how to handle them appropriately.

1.     Who is a terrorist?

Ans- A terrorist is a person who hurts others and harms them. Sometimes even killing them.

2.     Why were they killing the children?

Ans- They wanted to harm people and they did not think whether the people they are killing are kids or teachers or parents.

3.     Were there no guards in the school to save the children?

Ans- Yes there were and the guards tried their very best to save the children and many were saved too.

4.     Will terrorists come to my school too?

Ans- Well your mummy and daddy and all of us in school are going to protect you and keep you safe.

5.     Will the terrorists be caught and punished?

Ans- Yes, all the police and army will now hunt them down and capture them soon.

Let us not ignore the anxieties that may be plaguing our young children as they see images or hear about the tragedy. Let us keep our children safe and secure in the knowledge that we are there for them.

Play is a 4 letter word...

  

Play? What is that? Your kids play??

Play is a 4 letter word but not a bad word to use around kids!

When parents visit a play way school their first impression is, “wow so many toys and play materials, very nice” this is then followed by a question, “ this is all fine but what do you teach? What will my child learn?”

And this is where most schools and teachers are unable to help parents understand that Play=learning and how learning happens during play because play is the work of childhood. So schools know that kids learn through play and toys, then why do parents think that play and toys=no learning? It is time to bridge this gap of understanding how children learn through play so that parents and teachers can nurture children through play based learning and growth especially in the early years, the most significant years.

Fredrick Froebel, the father of kindergarten (kinder=child, garten=garden) invented games that he called ‘gifts’, there were 13 gifts in the Froebelian method that teachers were trained to gift children with related songs. Each gift taught kids important concepts of counting, math, concepts, science and math, all through playing with the gifts. This was learning through play.

Maria Montessori designed didactic equipment that involved children’s brain, muscles and senses. Children would learn language, counting, science, geography, all through puzzles, games and activities. This was learning through play.

Lev Vygotsky believed that play helps nurture social and language skills in young children and he stressed on the importance of play in early childhood environments. This was learning through play

Brain research has made significant discoveries about how the brain is stimulated through play. The hand and the brain need each other- Neurologically, "a hand is always in search of a brain and a brain is in search of a hand”- Wilson. Use of the hands to manipulate three-dimensional objects is an essential part of brain development. According to latest brain research when kids play with blocks, push around toys, throw balls, this is constantly fertilizing neural growth.

And the play personality of your child changes as per the age and development of your child. Observe babies in the first nine months as they manipulate toys, they reach for, hold, release, suck with the toy. The focus is on manipulation as their finger muscles are developing and their brain uses all the five senses to learn. This is learning through play.

From 9 to 18 months children will be involved in function games with their toys, tossing, pressing, throwing etc. they are curious to know what each toy can do. This is learning through play.

18 months onwards when the brain is now geared for imagination, children indulge in imaginative play; they give a functional twist at a symbolic level to the toy or object. So a long block is used as a mobile phone or banana. This is the beginning of symbolic play that is the foundation of learning to read and write. When a child can visualize an object as having another function then the child will be able to see the word ‘c-a-t’ and visualize a cat. This is learning through play.

So if kids don’t play, they don’t learn and that is why play is called the work of childhood. So watch your kids play today and observe these schema in their play. What is a schema?  A schema is a repeated action in children.

1.     Trajectory - fascinated by the way they themselves or objects move through the air.

2.     Rotation- Children who just adore circles and anything that goes round

3.     Positioning- children who are always placing things in some kind of order

4.     Transporting- children who are always on the move, moving items and often carrying a bag

5.     Enveloping- children who like to cover themselves or objects as well as hiding

6.     Enclosure- children who love to surround or enclose either themselves or other objects

7.     Connecting- connectors simply enjoy attaching themselves or objects to other things

8.     Transforming- these children spend hours mixing

Yes, children thrive on play because their brains learn best with play. So even though play is a 4-letter word it is one of the best words that adults should speak around children. So tell your child to play today…and play along…it keeps you young!

Want some play ideas? Log on to www.bornsmart.org

Italian your parenting

Italian your parenting

All parents are interested in the progress and development of their children and to do it correctly they need pointers to guide them to the right path. Parenting can be pleasurable if it is simple and research based. Just like food is nourishment for the body, parenting is nourishment for the mind, body, and soul. Just like we eat different types of food- Guajarati, Chinese, Italian, Punjabi etc., similarly parenting too can be of different flavors. So how about Italian? Let us Italian your parenting!

Two of the most globally famous early childhood educational practices were born in Italy- Montessori and Reggio Emilia. In Reggio Emilia there is a wonderful poem called ‘The Hundred Languages of Children’. This poem talks about how all children have a hundred languages, but we the people, parents, schools, and society, steal the ninety nine and tell the child that there is only one language. We want all kids to learn, behave, speak, feel, and perform in the same manner. We have lost touch with the concept of individualism. In parenting too we try to ensure that all our kids are the same. They should walk at the same age, look the same, and perform similarly in tests. Let us give them the hundred languages and let them grow as individuals and not clones.

Italy is known as the land of pizza but it should be called the land of the Piazza. Every city is dotted with Piazzas, these are kind of squares in different parts of the city where people sit, chat, drink coffee, tea, or lick ice-cream cones and kids can play, elders can walk and youngsters can cycle.  We need these spaces in our cities and homes, little piazzas so that children learn about social development and community spirit face-to-face and not only on Facebook.

We are so obsessed with ‘branded stuff’ and the English language. In fact now many children are made to learn Chinese, Japanese, before they learn their mother tongue. But in Italy and in most European countries, children learn their mother tongue for the first few years. Italian children are proud and confident in their Italian. In India our kids are burdened to learn a foreign language before they even speak their mother tongue. Let us also help our children be proud of their roots before we give them wings. Every street in Italy has Louis Vuitton stores, one of the most expensive and fashionable brands in the world. In India Louis Vuitton has become a ‘class’ symbol whereas in Italy it was a mere fashion statement. Isn’t that how all fashion should be?

Children in Italian schools are given many opportunities to draw, paint, create, and that is indeed natural. After all this is the land of Michael Angelo, Leonardo da Vinci, Raphael and many others. This is seen in the architecture and paintings around Italy. You are automatically forced to use words like gigantic, mammoth, awe inspiring, intricate, mind boggling, impressive, as words less than these would fail to describe the architectural genius that you see in the buildings. The presence of fountains in each city helps you understand how architecture was used to create spaces where people can mingle, sit and hear sounds that are soothing and close to nature. I wish today’s architects around the world would get over their obsession with steel and glass. No wonder our children’s vocabulary is limited to tall, shining, and awesome (sic). 

Robotics is commonly used in most Italian schools to teach Math, Science and concepts but this has not replaced art education in the schools. Leonardo Da Vinci was a painter and inventor similarly education that we choose for our children should be about the expressive arts and intelligence fused together. It should not be either/or but the best of both that should inspire our children.

Pinocchio, one of the most path breaking stories for young children was also born in Italy. At a basic level, moral learnings are abundant in this wonderful story that every child should be exposed to. If you will tell a lie, your nose will grow longer! What a wonderful way to teach children about moral values and ethics. The Disney version has a song, ‘Let your conscience be your guide’. That should be the anthem of every child. Enjoy Pinocchio with your child today…both the book and the Disney version.

We cringe when we are with our children and see a naked picture of the human body but we swing along with them on vulgar lyrics that ogle and comment on women and sex. We need to give our children a balance. Ancient Italian architecture and paintings help children grow up with a positive concept of the human body. The statue of David is indeed a reminder that children should grow up viewing and revering the naked human body rather than learning about it as vulgar and porn. We have similar sculptures and paintings in India like the Sun Temple at Konark or certain select paintings of Raja Ravi Varma that help us give our children a positive and moral outlook towards our bodies, how babies are born etc.

And here are some great parenting tips from an amazing Professor from Italy, Daniela Lucangeli Padua University.  She says children have selective attention. They know what to focus on and when to switch off. Parents are always worried about the fact that their children do not listen to them. Well find out what gets your child’s selective attention, and then use it to ensure that your children listen too and hear you. She spoke about the amygdala in the brain and emotions that accompany learning. So aptly put by her that the emotion that should accompany learning should be curiosity and not fear. So we need to stop threatening children to make them perform or complete their tasks or homework as it is directly affecting their brain development. She quoted Eric Fisher on how rage and fear does not damage learning and creativity as much as boredom does. When we drone on and on with our children, they get bored. When we hold their hands and make them do their homework, they get bored. When we feed them with our hands instead of letting them feed themselves, they get bored. When we make them wear their clothes, tie their shoes, do their beds…they get bored. Their boredom all day long affects their learning and creativity. So if you want your kids to perform better at school, stop boring them!

They say beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder.  I would like to add that parenting inspirations are in every city and country, if we only look at them from the point of view of children and their hundred languages.

My learnings from NETQ6 EARLY LEARNING NETWORK a conference in Padua-Italy

My learnings from NETQ6 EARLY LEARNING NETWORK a conference in Padua-Italy.

I was indeed honoured to be invited as the keynote speaker at NETQ6 EARLY LEARNING NETWORK in Padua, Italy. My topic for the keynote was about our developmentally appropriate ipad projects and how we listen to children’s voices through their drawings by documenting their thoughts and emotions at Podar Jumbo Kids. The learning journey started with the NETQ6 EARLY LEARNING NETWORK conference in Padua University. It was organized by Network For The Quality In Early Childhood Education and had speakers from Italy, UK, Poland, Turkey, Northern Ireland, Germany, Spain, and Romania and of course from Jumbo Kids, India. I must thank Mr. Stephano for a wonderfully organized conference. The main conference sections covered the following topics:

·         Developmental models in early education for learning disabilities http://littlesmilingminds.com (Italy)

·         In a Children’s Hospital like in School... Let’s do Robotics! (Italy)

·         From 2 years old to children centers (UK)

·         Verbal and communicational games with using of Logodogo - from a word to a sentence, from a letter to reading (Poland)

·         Role of developmentally appropriate technology in early years education (India)

·         Pre-school Social Skills Support Project (PSSSP) (Turkey)

·         Overcoming Barriers to Learning at Country/State level (Northern Ireland)

·         Pedagogy from the point of view of children to assure successful learning from the very first (Germany)

·         Practical applications of software and apps from the Aragonese website of Augmentative and Alternative Communication ARASAAC

·         Let’s make art one of the 100 languages of children (India)

·         Creative Robotics (Italy)

·         Overcoming Barriers To Learning (Northern Ireland)

·         How to create materials for parents on the basis of a flip teaching model (Spain)

·         Using free resources to create educational games (Romania)

I was impressed with the keynote by Professor Daniela Lucangeli of Padua University on Developmental Models in Early Education. The session touched on brain research and Vygotsky, both topics that interest me and are used in my curriculum work. Some points that she brought forth which are truly path breaking are about how children have selective attention and a teacher’s knowledge about this type of attention in children can help create better learning environments. She spoke about the amygdala and emotions that accompany learning. So aptly put by her that the emotion that should accompany learning should be curiosity and not fear. She quoted Eric Fisher on how rage and fear does not damage learning and creativity but boredom does. And my most important take away from her talk was her philosophy of how the process of learning should be- Outside, inside – Inside, inside- Inside, outside. Which simply means that learning comes from outside to inside a human being, then time needs to be given for that learning to manifest, stimulate, sink in inside the individual  and from inside would come insights, connections to the outside. And that is how learning will come full circle. If teachers understand this simple formula then they would know how to ensure that their teaching style is not all talk but talk-relate- and let the kids talk about their point of view/connections.

The early years team from Northern Ireland had a session on Begin with children- early years media initiative for children. A pertinent point that they are raising in their country; children’s voices, are they heard in media? They have developed fantastic videos and puppets that teach children about inclusion and emotions. These puppets help young children to understand what it feels like to be excluded and encourage them to respect and include others who are different.

In Germany- there is no word called disability but hindered and in Italy the word Ritardo means delayed. Sensitivity to needs of all children was visible in the work of all the speakers. The ARASAAC program of pictograms to teach kids language is a useful tool for autistic children.

The session on learning in children was educative as I revisited the difference between exploration and a guided tour. Most teachers have a formal teaching style in which they do everything and explain everything to children; this distinction will help me groom teachers to understand that subtle but important difference between teacher centric and child led classrooms. A simple mantra to teach teachers- Support on demand, not automatically.

Play way is such a loosely used term these days and many teachers fail to understand play way is Learning by playing as a fundamental part of the beginning of educational processes. The Learning process of children in a play way philosophy is self-motivated, intrinsic and self controlled. To consider and respect the point of view of children as important to becoming an active part of the learning process.

The Italian workshop on creative robotics was indeed an eye opener about how learning of math, science, language, and concepts can be done with simple robotics with young children. This was really amazing wherein kids learn to make simple robots complete with circuit etc. These circuit sets are available readymade from Amazon but children age 4 and above learn to fix them and use them to make different robots. Concepts of animals, people who help us, are all done with robotics.

As I attended this workshop I thought about Leonardo Da Vinci, a painter and inventor and here in Italy I experienced Reggio Emilia and Robotics, art expression and technology, both used in developmentally appropriate methods. Indeed this conference was ‘brain-fuel’ for me and the learnings and inspirations I gained from all the speakers will definitely find a place in our work at Podar Jumbo Kids. Thank you Dr Podar for supporting such global explorations and for ensuring that we believe in the hundred languages of children and never steal the ninety nine.

When their world comes crashing down…

When their world comes crashing down…

More and more couples nowadays are facing issues in their marriages and more marriages today are ending in separation or divorce. But with so much of research available in the filed of early childhood care, parents must ensure that broken relationships between parents do not end up breaking the spirit, emotions or confidence of their children. This blog is specially written to help parents that are going through a divorce/ separation, to help them understand its impact on children. 

Then there are those parents who are dealing with the death of a partner or bringing up their children alone as the spouse is working overseas. Preparing yourself to become a single parent…

It is not the divorce or separation that impacts children as much as the stress related to it. For example, a child today is quite used to not seeing the dad as often because of his hectic work schedule or travel schedule; but in a divorce or separation, the stress of the tense relationship between the parents, the mother’s angst, anxiety and depression and sometimes both parents asking the child to keep away from the other or keep secrets from the other parent, all lead to stress. The stress is quite destructive emotionally, socially, and cognitively.

For decades, research (as revealed from the work of Christina Nigrelli and Carolyn Brennan of Zero to Three USA) has demonstrated the importance of early relationships and experiences on the healthy development of infants and toddlers.  More recently, neuroscience has allowed us to see the impact of positive, nurturing experiences on brain development. When parents provide stable and nurturing relationships they are promoting Infant and Early Childhood Mental Health (I-ECMH). The field of I-ECMH approached social and emotional health in the context of families and promoted the notion that development occurs within the context of relationships.  It is through this lens that we are now beginning to understand the impact of stress experienced by families going through a separation or divorce on young children’s development.

To quote from the research and findings of I-ECMH- most families experience some stress while raising very young children.  How much stress they experience falls on a spectrum from low levels of occasional stress (such as an argument between parents) to chronic stress (parents separated, divorced, constant fighting, asking child to take sides).  Chronic stress, also called toxic stress, is often associated with children when they do not feel safe and nurtured.  When people experience stress or feel unsafe, their bodies respond by producing increased levels of cortisol.  For adults, the increased levels of cortisol aids in a ‘fight or flight’ response to stressful situations.  In a young child, increased levels of cortisol can get in the way of optimal brain development.

I-ECMH specialists have also learned that stress experienced by adults can negatively affect the adult-child relationship.  The way that adults respond to their own stress influences the way they interact with young children.  They may, for example, talk less with the child, or have decreased positive interactions.  This is important because early interactions shape early brain architecture and influence ongoing development. Children may respond to stress by crying, moving away from parents, or clinging to a particular parent, grandparent, teacher and not wanting to let go.  This can establish a difficult pattern as the child’s challenging behaviors can add to the stress that the parent or parents are already feeling.

So age does not matter; a separation or divorce not handled well by the family can harm children as young as infants and as old as teenagers.

More and more parents today are going through divorce or separation and are not seeking help at the right time; help could be a family discussion, couple counseling etc. In our Jumbo Kids Kindergartens, when we ask children to draw their parents or family; their drawings depict the stress that many of these children are experiencing at home, the constant squabbles, fights and arguments. Sometimes, open fist fights between mother and father or other family members over who will pay the child’s school fees leave a negative impact on school going children. What compounds the problem is the tug-of-war that parents have about the child and her/his custody. Schools and daycares play an important role in this, as teachers are the second most important ‘people’ in a child’s life after the parents.

10 things every parent can do to ensure that mental and emotional health of their children is safeguarded during a divorce or separation.

1.     Remember that it is a divorce of the husband and wife and not of the father and mother of the child. You entered into a formal marriage relationship, so you can break it with a divorce, but parenting is something that cannot be, and should not be undone by any law in the world.

2.     Recognize signs in your relationship of strain between you and your partner and consciously work towards conflict resolution and as much as possible not aim for a break up.

3.     Ensure that the stress is not transmitted to the child. So talk to your children by giving an example about how friends or siblings fight or argue and things are then resolved; that is what mummy and daddy are doing.

4.     Allow children to ask questions and give relevant answers. Do not avoid questions, as it will be more dangerous for the child’s mental health if the child comes to know about it from a person other than the parents.

5.     Resist making your child the bargaining point of your separation; legal battles are fine but the child should not feel like it is being treated as in a ‘passing the parcel’.

6.     Most children end up thinking that the parents are breaking up because of them; so it is important to reassure children that it had nothing to do with them but it was an issue only between the parents.

7.     Children feel stressed about the future; so ensure that you reassure them that they will be safe and always loved by both the father and the mother, even if the parents are separated and not living together.

8.     In cases where the wife was beaten, abused etc., it is important that the child is assured that the mother will be safe.

9.     Avoid asking the child to keep secrets from the other parent as this increases the stress.

10.  Always keep the school and teacher informed, as changes in the child’s behaviour will occur and understanding these changes will help the school take appropriate steps instead of aggravating the situation and adding stress at school too.

When a death of a parent occurs, children go through the same stress, especially because the living parent is undergoing stress. Counseling helps, even family counseling which means being there for the child, and creating a safe and nurturing daily routine for the child.

The best way to talk about death to a child is relating it to nature; how a plant grows and then withers away, so things are born, and they become old and do die. Answer as much as the child asks; if children ask a question, it means the brain and emotions are now ready for it. Do not lie that the parent who has passed away will come back; this creates a false hope and then reduces the trust between you and your child. Children need a father and a mother and in the absence of any one of them or both, they can be given a father like/mother like figure. Some times aunts, uncles, or grand parents take on the role, which is fine as long as the emotional health of the child is nurtured.

In my weekly parent counseling sessions, many single parents ask me, ‘Should we remarry?’Of course a parent should remarry, why not? All that needs to be done is to ensure that the partner you are now marrying has spent time with your children and you have spoken to your children about the relationship and marriage. There will be resistance from your children in some cases; it has to be handled with care and understanding. The fairy tales that we expose children to right from birth, again add to the problem as a stepmother and stepfather already have a horrible reputation and children relate to it. Avoid referring to the new parent as a stepparent. Ensure that your immediate family circle, friends, are also taken into confidence and do not end up giving incorrect information.

Details, information, and questions in these delicate relationship based matters should be answered only by parents or trusted adults.

In many cases I have met mothers who are married, happily married, but are struggling to bring up their children and feel like a single parent. Reason- the husband works overseas and so the  mother is bringing up the children on her own. When one parent is away due to professional reasons-

1.     Ensure that you talk about or refer to the other parent as much as possible during the day.

2.     Ensure that you use video chatting with your children.

3.     Post photos and share with kids so that they do not lose touch.

4.     Refrain from using the parent who is away as a tool for disciplining the child, e.g., ‘Daddy won’t come back if you don’t listen to me.’

5.     Do not indulge in guilt parenting once you are back; allowing the child to run riot with all rules, breaking all barriers, etc.

6.     Consciously avoid making children feel that they are to be blamed for the parent having to work away from home; avoid statements like- ‘To pay your school fees, daddy has to work hard and is away.’ etc.

7.     Ensure those important days like annual concerts, sports day are all recorded, clicked, and shared with the parent who is away.

8.     The parent who is away from home should make it a point to refer to the photos when s/he next speaks to the kids. This will reassure the children and make them feel safe and nurtured by both parents.

Maslow’s hierarchy of needs states that after water and food, safety and security is the prime need of all human beings. We easily ensure that our kids never go thirsty or hungry; it’s time we also ensured that they feel safe, nurtured and secure in the most important relationship of their lives. This will lay the foundation for all their future relationships.